Ko Olina Marina, Kapolei, HI, 8-Jun-2020 — Brion Toss died the night before last. The news arrived in an email from Scott Wilson, a mutual friend in Cambodia.
Sometimes, news like this hits you right between the eyes and the cumulative unspent emotion doesn’t want to stay unspent.
About three years ago, Brion had an ankle replacement done, which did not go well. It took years to beat a bone infection, and before he completed that he came down with bile duct cancer that spread to his liver. He was a write off, but then he wasn’t. He made a miraculous recovery.
Jennifer and I had breakfast with Brion and Christian while we were in Port Townsend in February. Brion looked great.
While we have been here in Hawaii, we learned Brion suffered a stroke. Not a bad one we were told, and he didn’t have major effects.
We sent texts to Christian. There was no response, but there needn’t be. Their hands were full.
Christian texted Jennifer a month or two ago that their friends Fran and Jeff would be in Ko Olina Marina with us. They are wonderful people.
I watched Fran’s better skills at being a friend. Fran stays in touch often, writes emails and video chats.
I feel that I am being in contact too much, if I were to do that: too intrusive. I wouldn’t know… what? I think I wouldn’t know the social cues to call less or more. I don’t think I have the skill set.
And so, Jennifer and I were in less touch with Brion and Christian than we might have liked. Now Brion is gone and we regret not being in touch more.
Brion was someone who gave the feeling that you were a good friend — at least to me. Perhaps the feeling that I was more of a friend than I was. It is difficult to know and made me shy.
Brion was probably the best known rigger of his generation. The author of the definitive guide to sail boat rigging, the Rigger’s Apprentice. He was a natural speaker. His relationship with Christian seemed so special — there is no other correct word for it.
If I should have expected anyone to pass, I should have expected Brion. Perhaps because he was just beating everything left and right, I was blind-sided. Perhaps because, unlike everyone else Jennifer and I have lost recently, he was the only one that I had meant to be in touch with but hadn’t.
Perhaps, it is just because enough has piled up that my emotional dam has broken.
In the American sailing world, the magazines write about three places: Newport, Rhode Island; Port Townsend, Washington; and to a lesser extent Annapolis Maryland.
Jennifer wanted to move to Port Townsend for the town and the people, the location and more. Anyone who reads this blog knows I only want to live with Jennifer. I don’t strongly care where.
But, Port Townsend? That was remarkable. The people and the sailing community in Port Townsend are amazing. I would meet and perhaps be friends with Brion Toss and the rest of the big names in PT especially in that 19th century building the faces Port Hudson: Carol Hasse and Emiliano Marino.
I had seen Brion speak, and I can’t really remember when I first knew who he was. It was a long, long time ago. I remember him on the cover of Sail magazine and as a sailing presence.
I met Carol and I met Emilio. I spent time speaking with each. They are nice people.
When I wanted to convert Caro Babbo’s rig from a baby stay to forward shrouds, Scott suggested I get Brion involved. Brion and I had, I think, shaken hands after a talk he gave. Jennifer and he had spoken for a while after that talk.
Brion came by Boat Haven while Caro Babbo was in the yard, measured wire rope lengths and spoke with Scott — they are close friends.
Somehow or other, things get a bit confused, Brion and Christian ended up at our house. Did Scott bring Brion up and Christian came by to pick up Brion?
I looked at Christian and she at me. We know each other. We had met at a party somewhere and spent time speaking. I had no idea she had any relationship to Brion.
Things took off as we got to know them better. We had tea in the shop. They came to a big dinner we hosted. Jennifer and Christian became closer friends. (There was some mix up when my mobile phone number ended up in Christian’s contact manager as Jennifer’s.)
At the Rhodi festival parade two years ago, I rushed into the parade when I saw Christian marching. We greeted and then Christian told me that Brion was ill, and that it was serious. It was cancer. Brion’s brother had just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
It was never the end. Brion was indestructible. Christian took care of him. Protected him, and kept him healthy, made him heal.
News like this arrives in simple sentences in texts or emails. This time the news traveled from Port Townsend to Cambodia to Hawaii.
Last night I spent a good amount of time staring into space. I do so again this morning.
The world is a random place.
I also received word that Michael Brennen, a dear non-sailing friend, has learned his bone marrow transplant has taken root and he will be released from the hospital this afternoon.
Both men were the same age. Both were among the most moral people I know. One a Christian, another a Buddist. There is no explanation, as much as we humans search for one.
So a toast to Brion and Michael and to all my friends and readers, may we live the life we seek.
Please stay in touch so we know each other is out there.
https://m.facebook.com/briontosslifememories/
Thank you for the opportunity to meet Brion at your dinner when I was in the US in 2018; it was a privilege.